Sex Addiction Treatment and Issues

Good Article from South Africa
"Sex addiction is an illness that is experienced worldwide by men and women from different backgrounds and cultures. When a person is a sex addict, they suffer from a (problem) capable of destroying the lives of not only the sufferer but of their families as well.

Sex addiction can be managed with a recovery programme and therapy but whilst in the grips of this addiction, sufferers cannot escape their obsessive and compulsive behaviour. Often sex addiction is experienced with other addictive behaviours such as drug use and eating disorders. They are all behaviours of the same disease of addiction. Similar to other addictions such as drug addiction and alcohol addiction, sex addiction is based on obsessive and compulsive needs.

The behaviour of a sex addict can include repeated empty affairs, compulsive masturbation, frequent use of prostitutes and other sex services and in extreme cases can even progress to exhibitionism, voyeurism, child molestation and rape. Sex addicts however are not bad people. Their condition is not a moral failing: It is a spiritual unrest.

Why is Sex Addiction So Destructive?In some Twelve Step fellowship support groups, ‘bottom line behaviour’ is identified. Bottom line behaviour is a term used to define the specific sex addict’s behaviours which they act out on. Most sex addicts experience ‘intrigue’ which is the mental preoccupation with sexual acts. Objectifying people, constant obsession with sexual acts, flirting and generally spending much time with the preoccupation of sex is the mental state of a sex addict. These obsessions are then followed by the compulsive acting out on sexual behaviours. Sex addiction is progressive (I don't agree that it's necessarily progressive). It may begin with compulsive masturbation and an affinity for pornography which then develops into a serious problem involving the use of prostitutes, money troubles, families being broken up and unemployment, further to which suicide can be a consequence. When sex addiction has progressed to a severe level, the sex addict is unable to resist the impulse to act out on their sexual behaviours. They become more involved with the behaviours for longer periods of time, with greater intensity and violence to have the desired effect, resulting in their responsibilities being neglected. Without being able to fulfil their obsession and act out on the behaviour, they become irritable, restless and angry. Despite the desire to abstain and stop the sexual compulsivity because their lives are beginning to crumble, they are unable to do so. They are powerless over their sexual addiction and their lives begin to become completely unmanageable.

TreatmentSex addiction is treatable, but incurable. Yet with therapy, abstinence from the disordered sexual behaviours and maintaining a programme of recovery on a daily basis, a sex addict can regain a normal life again. Inpatient treatment in a counselling centre can be extremely beneficial to a sex addict seeking help for their problem. Many sex addicts will be in a state of denial about their problem but once they have admitted that they have a problem, they can begin the healing recovery process. Inpatient treatment will usually provide group therapy and individual therapy which have been found to be the most successful methods of dealing with sex addiction. Treatment facilities are a safe place for sex addicts to recover where they can process their condition with experienced and understanding people. They need never be alone in their struggle again. Whilst in a rehabilitation centre, a sex addict will need to begin working a daily programme of recovery, such as the Twelve Steps. There are fellowships which are devoted to helping sex addicts receive support and help in their behaviour.

For a sex addict to be abstinent from the behaviour does not mean that they must stay celibate for the rest of their life – it is a normal human behaviour to engage in sexual acts, just not ones which begin to destroy their lives and keep them in a terrible cycle of shame and self loathing. A sex addict who turns to celibacy as a way of dealing with the problem is not addressing the root cause – similar to a ‘dry drunk’.

With proper treatment and therapy, coupled with a programme of recovery, a sex addict can begin to lead a happy and normal life again. A recovery programme will keep a sex addict aware of their behaviours and dangerous situations which may lead to relapse and will teach them tools to cope with daily life.
Oasis Counselling Centre is a rehabilitation centre in Plettenberg Bay, South Africa

Tiger Woods in Recovery

A thing of beauty....a long, shot off the tee that takes the breath away of the gallery. We witnessed another kind of beauty today from Tiger. His recovery in action. As he stated "My fun is back" in life and golf. He's 'centered' in his 'real self' where meaning, honesty, values and aliveness converge. You can't fake this for long. Tiger's countenance was consistent with a man who has rediscovered himself....his deep self. Tiger's back!!! He's a passionate man with deep good men (not like before) surrounding him. Tigers in the "zone". He's not fighting himself like he was before November 2009. He was moving away from everything of meaning of real value in his life. Listen to todays interview. I did and felt a kind of joy. Of course he can slip again but he knows that and is preparing himself for the temptations out there.

Hypersexual new name for Sex Addiction

In "The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatry" newly proposed addition DSM-5, Sex addiction will formally be validated by the ultimate in psychological and insurance industries. The debate "is there such a thing as sex addiction?" is mostly over. Sex Addiction's new name will be Hyersexuality. Insurance will be forced to pay for treatment for those suffering from Sex addiction/compulsion. Go to www.dsm5.org to see the proposed changes. Compulsive gambling will now be a formal disorder also.

I have worked in the field of Sex Addiction for 25 years and tonights announcement validated my life time work and the suffering of sex addicts and their families all over the world. This is huge! More will be revealed......

Tiger Woods opens discussions on Sex Addictioon

Amazing amount of interest has been created into the life and sexual behaviors of Superstar Tiger Woods. His image of a 'nice guy' and a 'family man' and his Superstar status has jetisoned Tiger to the top of Blogs, twitter and news media. Many question the idea of 'sex addiction' being a legitimate psychological disorder. It is not in the DSM-IV (the therapist/insurance bible)
It probably will be in the next addition to come out as “hypersexuality” It will have critiria such as ‘repeated sexual behaviors that continue to put a person at risk for physical diseases, financial distress, relational problems, moral and criminal problems. These are real issues addressed by thousands of 12 step groups (Sex Addict Anonymous, Sex and love Addict Anoymous, etc) as well as therapy centers and specialized therapists. Most people resort to therapy when their ’self will’ has failed….
Currently there is increasing scientific evidence about how the brain functions which lend itself to validating why/how addictions work. On why some people have difficulty making good decisions with their own sexual behaviors. There is some gender basis to this. Men have less connections between the right and left hemispheres so non-relational sex is more likely including ‘body parting’ objectifications, anonymous encounters etc. It is both natural and at times problematic. Women because of the right brain/left brain hemisheric connectedness have more romantic or ‘love’ addictions. ‘Love’ addiction, of course, is not a clinical term but a discriptive term Woman read pulp novels and soap opera dramas much more than men.Many people have a concern over the term ’sex addiction’ because it sounds like therapists are now the new ‘moral’ police hence the hostility in some of the news media. My job as a therapist is to help people with their problematic sexual behaviors. If you like polygamy for instance, that is your choice. It’s not a clinical issue. It does not mean you are a ’sex addict’. If you have a long standing pattern of failed relationships, being trustworthy and it appears related to your sexual behaviors I would as your therapist explore that with you. Sex addicts really don’t have alot of control at times. Sex addicts are not liberated by their behaviors. They are driven compulsively and destructively. They are lost in part of their brain that doesn’t think well. An MRI would show this. The ‘high’ from sex can, as any pleasureable emotion, be used as a defense against other more unpleasant feelings. When this is done in a fashion that causes major life problems. I call that sex addiction because it is most understood (and misunderstood). Sex addiction is not nor will it ever be… a clinical term.
Changing the term won’t help much in ending the many controversies of human sexual behaviors….clinically or in the general public. It is quite simplistic to think of sexual behaviors as just immoral or liberating sex.

Sex Addiction...the intimacy disorder

Sex Addiction has been called by many experts (myself included) as an intimacy disorder. Interestingly 'sex addicts' are probably more sensitive to others feelings and often considered 'nice guys' (well liked).....so how can this group have an intimacy disorder? Sex addicts have two major problems areas. The 1st area is having a sex addiction itself. Sex addiction is, like all addictions, ways to 'check out' emotionally. Partners often feel disconnected. "What's in his head" they often ask. Addicts have a history of being raised to look good and be good.....not to be real about emotions or behaviors. Addicts learn to take care of their own emotional needs because deep down they have shame/guilt pockets in their personalities. Sex feels good and is intense enough to sooth these feelings. Ironically sex for a sex addict is easier to do if one is not too close emotionally (like a partner or spouse).
Secrets are the second area of intimacy damage.... especially when they have a major negative impact on one's partner. Trust is undermined . Without trust sustained intimacy is impossible. Addicts need practice in intimacy which is why group therapy or 12 step is the prefered treatment. Sex addicts need sobriety and honesty....and they can't do intimacy without others

Peace of mind or being 'Grounded'

To be 'in touch' with ourselves is necessary and difficult. To feel what is actually going on inside especially deeper more subtle feelings is how we stay 'grounded' or have more inner peace Checking in with others through therapy, 12 step meetings, friends etc. are very necessary to be in recovery. Not just, as recoverying people, because we are commited to being accountable but because it gives us 'feedback' from others and a conscious way of sorting things out.

Checking in with just oneself through journaling, meditation/prayer or just being quiet is also very helpful. We drill down into our deeper feelings by trying to consiously feel them. Feelings are very important pieces of information about ourselves and how we perceive things. Feelings are the 'go between' between the environment and ourselves. If we lose 'touch' with ourselves our lives will be joyless and without passion.

This inner world of feelings is what some call our "inner child" The precious, vulnerable center of our being....where passion, creativity, spirituality and intuition come from.

Don L. Mathews MFT

Developing intimate friendships

Recovery calls for deep friendship. Friends we let see deep inside us....the "real" self.....and we can see deep inside them. We can't do recovery by ourselves. Many have tried. We have to risk looking bad. Breaking shame/guilt takes taking the risk to let others see where we have fallen short. Recovery is about breaking the old family patterns of looking good and secretly getting our needs met thru meaningless sexual behaviors.

Don Mathews MFT