Courage...

It takes courage to get better. Courage to admit we are less than we hoped. Then we don't lose as much energy defending ourselves. We see others getting better in their recovery and that strengthens us. We find our stories of addiction actually helps others. DLM

Starting Out....

Recovery starts with being honest. Honesty with another person is the foundation of all that follows. To look directly at problems, to deal with problems, to not be burdened with shame and guilt....we need help from others. Many try to stop addictions by themselves....usually because of embaressment. This is where courage is necessary. Warning though....you need to find a helpful, compassionate listener you can trust.

Don Mathews MFT

Becoming whole.

Sex addicts are split off from themselves and others. Our public self....our secret self. We lose integrity because of this split. We are in a bind between the pleasure offered by the addiction and not wanting to deal with the consequences. So we decide to just not tell anyone. We are only as sick as our secrets. Our 'real' self suffers because we know deep down we are living a lie. This lie attacks our self esteem.

Regular honesty and accountability are necessary to break this internal split. But whom to talk with??? What would people think of you??? It takes courage to be in recovery...to heal the split...to confront that shame and guilt. In Alcoholics Anonymous there is a saying "I need help, I can't do this alone." So much moreso for sex addicts because of the shame/guilt. Along with 'turning over' the secret addiction to others is the relief of stepping out from under the heavy load of secrecy. Most sex addicts especially those in relationships feel better/lighter beginning recovery (which begins with honesty).

The partner/spouse may feel worse which is why we started a Partners of Sex Addicts Program. The largest longest running program of it's kind. Partners often break their own integrity in 'checking on ' or 'trying to hurt' or 'threatening' or 'ignoring' or 'going along with the addict behaviors' or just 'staying in a relationship that is so dysfunctunal'. CoAddicts have to deal with the reality of their own predicament.

More will be revealed.....

Don L. Mathews MFT