In "The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatry" newly proposed addition DSM-5, Sex addiction will formally be validated by the ultimate in psychological and insurance industries. The debate "is there such a thing as sex addiction?" is mostly over. Sex Addiction's new name will be Hyersexuality. Insurance will be forced to pay for treatment for those suffering from Sex addiction/compulsion. Go to www.dsm5.org to see the proposed changes. Compulsive gambling will now be a formal disorder also.
I have worked in the field of Sex Addiction for 25 years and tonights announcement validated my life time work and the suffering of sex addicts and their families all over the world. This is huge! More will be revealed......
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Tiger Woods opens discussions on Sex Addictioon
Amazing amount of interest has been created into the life and sexual behaviors of Superstar Tiger Woods. His image of a 'nice guy' and a 'family man' and his Superstar status has jetisoned Tiger to the top of Blogs, twitter and news media. Many question the idea of 'sex addiction' being a legitimate psychological disorder. It is not in the DSM-IV (the therapist/insurance bible)
It probably will be in the next addition to come out as “hypersexuality” It will have critiria such as ‘repeated sexual behaviors that continue to put a person at risk for physical diseases, financial distress, relational problems, moral and criminal problems. These are real issues addressed by thousands of 12 step groups (Sex Addict Anonymous, Sex and love Addict Anoymous, etc) as well as therapy centers and specialized therapists. Most people resort to therapy when their ’self will’ has failed….
Currently there is increasing scientific evidence about how the brain functions which lend itself to validating why/how addictions work. On why some people have difficulty making good decisions with their own sexual behaviors. There is some gender basis to this. Men have less connections between the right and left hemispheres so non-relational sex is more likely including ‘body parting’ objectifications, anonymous encounters etc. It is both natural and at times problematic. Women because of the right brain/left brain hemisheric connectedness have more romantic or ‘love’ addictions. ‘Love’ addiction, of course, is not a clinical term but a discriptive term Woman read pulp novels and soap opera dramas much more than men.Many people have a concern over the term ’sex addiction’ because it sounds like therapists are now the new ‘moral’ police hence the hostility in some of the news media. My job as a therapist is to help people with their problematic sexual behaviors. If you like polygamy for instance, that is your choice. It’s not a clinical issue. It does not mean you are a ’sex addict’. If you have a long standing pattern of failed relationships, being trustworthy and it appears related to your sexual behaviors I would as your therapist explore that with you. Sex addicts really don’t have alot of control at times. Sex addicts are not liberated by their behaviors. They are driven compulsively and destructively. They are lost in part of their brain that doesn’t think well. An MRI would show this. The ‘high’ from sex can, as any pleasureable emotion, be used as a defense against other more unpleasant feelings. When this is done in a fashion that causes major life problems. I call that sex addiction because it is most understood (and misunderstood). Sex addiction is not nor will it ever be… a clinical term.
Changing the term won’t help much in ending the many controversies of human sexual behaviors….clinically or in the general public. It is quite simplistic to think of sexual behaviors as just immoral or liberating sex.
It probably will be in the next addition to come out as “hypersexuality” It will have critiria such as ‘repeated sexual behaviors that continue to put a person at risk for physical diseases, financial distress, relational problems, moral and criminal problems. These are real issues addressed by thousands of 12 step groups (Sex Addict Anonymous, Sex and love Addict Anoymous, etc) as well as therapy centers and specialized therapists. Most people resort to therapy when their ’self will’ has failed….
Currently there is increasing scientific evidence about how the brain functions which lend itself to validating why/how addictions work. On why some people have difficulty making good decisions with their own sexual behaviors. There is some gender basis to this. Men have less connections between the right and left hemispheres so non-relational sex is more likely including ‘body parting’ objectifications, anonymous encounters etc. It is both natural and at times problematic. Women because of the right brain/left brain hemisheric connectedness have more romantic or ‘love’ addictions. ‘Love’ addiction, of course, is not a clinical term but a discriptive term Woman read pulp novels and soap opera dramas much more than men.Many people have a concern over the term ’sex addiction’ because it sounds like therapists are now the new ‘moral’ police hence the hostility in some of the news media. My job as a therapist is to help people with their problematic sexual behaviors. If you like polygamy for instance, that is your choice. It’s not a clinical issue. It does not mean you are a ’sex addict’. If you have a long standing pattern of failed relationships, being trustworthy and it appears related to your sexual behaviors I would as your therapist explore that with you. Sex addicts really don’t have alot of control at times. Sex addicts are not liberated by their behaviors. They are driven compulsively and destructively. They are lost in part of their brain that doesn’t think well. An MRI would show this. The ‘high’ from sex can, as any pleasureable emotion, be used as a defense against other more unpleasant feelings. When this is done in a fashion that causes major life problems. I call that sex addiction because it is most understood (and misunderstood). Sex addiction is not nor will it ever be… a clinical term.
Changing the term won’t help much in ending the many controversies of human sexual behaviors….clinically or in the general public. It is quite simplistic to think of sexual behaviors as just immoral or liberating sex.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Sex Addiction...the intimacy disorder
Sex Addiction has been called by many experts (myself included) as an intimacy disorder. Interestingly 'sex addicts' are probably more sensitive to others feelings and often considered 'nice guys' (well liked).....so how can this group have an intimacy disorder? Sex addicts have two major problems areas. The 1st area is having a sex addiction itself. Sex addiction is, like all addictions, ways to 'check out' emotionally. Partners often feel disconnected. "What's in his head" they often ask. Addicts have a history of being raised to look good and be good.....not to be real about emotions or behaviors. Addicts learn to take care of their own emotional needs because deep down they have shame/guilt pockets in their personalities. Sex feels good and is intense enough to sooth these feelings. Ironically sex for a sex addict is easier to do if one is not too close emotionally (like a partner or spouse).
Secrets are the second area of intimacy damage.... especially when they have a major negative impact on one's partner. Trust is undermined . Without trust sustained intimacy is impossible. Addicts need practice in intimacy which is why group therapy or 12 step is the prefered treatment. Sex addicts need sobriety and honesty....and they can't do intimacy without others
Secrets are the second area of intimacy damage.... especially when they have a major negative impact on one's partner. Trust is undermined . Without trust sustained intimacy is impossible. Addicts need practice in intimacy which is why group therapy or 12 step is the prefered treatment. Sex addicts need sobriety and honesty....and they can't do intimacy without others
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Peace of mind or being 'Grounded'
To be 'in touch' with ourselves is necessary and difficult. To feel what is actually going on inside especially deeper more subtle feelings is how we stay 'grounded' or have more inner peace Checking in with others through therapy, 12 step meetings, friends etc. are very necessary to be in recovery. Not just, as recoverying people, because we are commited to being accountable but because it gives us 'feedback' from others and a conscious way of sorting things out.
Checking in with just oneself through journaling, meditation/prayer or just being quiet is also very helpful. We drill down into our deeper feelings by trying to consiously feel them. Feelings are very important pieces of information about ourselves and how we perceive things. Feelings are the 'go between' between the environment and ourselves. If we lose 'touch' with ourselves our lives will be joyless and without passion.
This inner world of feelings is what some call our "inner child" The precious, vulnerable center of our being....where passion, creativity, spirituality and intuition come from.
Don L. Mathews MFT
Checking in with just oneself through journaling, meditation/prayer or just being quiet is also very helpful. We drill down into our deeper feelings by trying to consiously feel them. Feelings are very important pieces of information about ourselves and how we perceive things. Feelings are the 'go between' between the environment and ourselves. If we lose 'touch' with ourselves our lives will be joyless and without passion.
This inner world of feelings is what some call our "inner child" The precious, vulnerable center of our being....where passion, creativity, spirituality and intuition come from.
Don L. Mathews MFT
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Developing intimate friendships
Recovery calls for deep friendship. Friends we let see deep inside us....the "real" self.....and we can see deep inside them. We can't do recovery by ourselves. Many have tried. We have to risk looking bad. Breaking shame/guilt takes taking the risk to let others see where we have fallen short. Recovery is about breaking the old family patterns of looking good and secretly getting our needs met thru meaningless sexual behaviors.
Don Mathews MFT
Don Mathews MFT
Monday, September 28, 2009
Courage...
It takes courage to get better. Courage to admit we are less than we hoped. Then we don't lose as much energy defending ourselves. We see others getting better in their recovery and that strengthens us. We find our stories of addiction actually helps others. DLM
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Starting Out....
Recovery starts with being honest. Honesty with another person is the foundation of all that follows. To look directly at problems, to deal with problems, to not be burdened with shame and guilt....we need help from others. Many try to stop addictions by themselves....usually because of embaressment. This is where courage is necessary. Warning though....you need to find a helpful, compassionate listener you can trust.
Don Mathews MFT
Don Mathews MFT
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