Monday, July 27, 2009
Facing the Shadow
Many of you know me. I've counseled so many sex addicts for the past 25 years I've lost count. Helping men and a few woman 'Out of the Shadow'. The secret life. A meaningless, mesmerizing, sweaty stroll thru life ...from porn to affairs, chat rooms, cybersex, prostitutes fetishes....legal problems, broken relationships, money issues and always shame and guilt.....until recovery. So many many men have told me how dramatic the change has been. To live a life of honesty and integrity. To like oneself. To not feel so driven or at least not heading for the worst 'acting out' anymore.
Different than traditional therapy where the goal is to go into ones 'family of origin' and review it from different angles ...hoping that there will be a 'break thru' that will miraculously bring relief from Sex Addiction. Sexual Addiction is closer to habit formation (strong neural pathways in the brain) than a traumatic event. Even though, many do have strong negative events 'how do those cause an addiction?' The need to run from negative feelings is central in understanding the 'cause'
I've also noticed many who have prayed or meditated hoping for a miracle. "Cheap Grace' as some call it. The vast majority of people do not stop compulsive sex this way. We need other recovering people. I asked one of my groups the other day "Which helps you more a therapist (including me) or the caring accountablity of other recovering 'brothers in recover'. All agreed a close caring support group. At Impulse Treatment Center we have 10 groups and are on the verge of moving to a larger office. Many in our program become very close.. life long buddies. Many people in our program augment our program with 12 step groups.....many don't. It really comes down to what is working for each person.
NextBlog ...It's not as much about giving up sex as about honesty....It's more about becoming more of who you are...your real self.
Don L. Mathews MFT, Director http://www.sexaddicttreatment.net/
Impulse Treatment Center
2940 Camino Diablo Ste 110 email ImpulseCenter@Gmail.com
Walnut Creek CA
(925) 280 6700
Different than traditional therapy where the goal is to go into ones 'family of origin' and review it from different angles ...hoping that there will be a 'break thru' that will miraculously bring relief from Sex Addiction. Sexual Addiction is closer to habit formation (strong neural pathways in the brain) than a traumatic event. Even though, many do have strong negative events 'how do those cause an addiction?' The need to run from negative feelings is central in understanding the 'cause'
I've also noticed many who have prayed or meditated hoping for a miracle. "Cheap Grace' as some call it. The vast majority of people do not stop compulsive sex this way. We need other recovering people. I asked one of my groups the other day "Which helps you more a therapist (including me) or the caring accountablity of other recovering 'brothers in recover'. All agreed a close caring support group. At Impulse Treatment Center we have 10 groups and are on the verge of moving to a larger office. Many in our program become very close.. life long buddies. Many people in our program augment our program with 12 step groups.....many don't. It really comes down to what is working for each person.
NextBlog ...It's not as much about giving up sex as about honesty....It's more about becoming more of who you are...your real self.
Don L. Mathews MFT, Director http://www.sexaddicttreatment.net/
Impulse Treatment Center
2940 Camino Diablo Ste 110 email ImpulseCenter@Gmail.com
Walnut Creek CA
(925) 280 6700
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