Impulse Treatment Center On the Radio Don Mathews, MFT and Joan Gold, MFT will be interviewed on the Internet Radio Show "Sex Addiction: Strength~Hope~Recovery with Carol the Coach" on Monday July 2nd at 6:15 pm PST and 9:15 pm EST. The topic of the show will be Impulse Treatment Center’s two free self-help workbooks: "Freedom From Sex Addiction" and "Freedom From Sex Addiction for Partners," designed to answer questions about sex addiction and provide a series of exercises to help addicts and partners alike move out of crisis and into recovery. The live broadcast will also allow Don and Joan to answer callers’ questions about the workbooks and other concerns. You can listen to the show live by logging onto www.blogtalkradio.com/sexhelpwithcarolthecoach and callers can have their questions answered by dialing (646) 595-3284 If you miss the July 2nd broadcast, you can also download it and other episodes of Carol the Coach's show by going to itunes and searching under podcasts: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/sexual-addiction-strength/id512414211?mt=2&uo=4 Carol the Coach is a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist whose show helps you access the books, the experts and the people who are managing recovery from Sex Addiction.

2 Free Workbooks for Sex Addicts and Partners

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#1 reason for Relapse

The # 1 Reason for relapse n ALL addictions. Not using/having frequent accountability (honesty or truth telling about ones self) w/others. Recovery by yourself is not recovery anymore than a goldfish can clean out it's water bowl by itself.

ISOLATION!!!!

Science has shown us quite clearly. Isolation, loneliness and little emotional support is as bad for us as heavy smoking*. If we don't have feedback and support our life satisfaction is diminished considerable along with life expectancy. To live life long and healthy.....WE NEED PEOPLE!!! We know that addiction and disease are made worse by isolation.

So what keeps us from more meaningful connections with others? Inertia, rejection, fear of conflict?.....what ever it is we need friends. We need those people who care about us and we them. It is risky. They can reject us and after all they aren't any more perfect than we are...sometimes less so. But that meaningful caring...both ways...that our lives become brighter.

Relationships, like a house, need regular maintenance. Make calls....check in....care. For your own good.

Great NewsWeek Article

A wonderful article on Sex Addiction came out yesterday in NewsWeek based on Sex Addicts themselves. http://bit.ly/rylmi7

Help for 'stuck' conversations.

Free help for 'stuck' conversations. I use this one with my wife.....It works!

BEING HEARD EXERCISE

This exercise has been designed to help couples to move beyond the anger*** and defensiveness that have kept them from hearing each other and from being heard. This exercise is simple…but may be, at times, hard to do.

1^st. Both must agree to all of the rules and to a time and place. If it is not convenient for one person then that person needs to come up with an alternative time within 24 hrs (hopefully sooner)

2^nd You must decide which one of you will ‘listen’ first and which one of you will ‘talk’ about issues first.

3^rd The ‘talking’ person can talk about anything they want (relationship conflict, problems as they see it, or anything else) for 3 minutes. The ‘listening’ person tries to understand the issues from the ‘talking persons perspective. Having a note pad is helpful, writing down exact quotes with special emphasize on any feelings of the ‘talking’ person.

4^th At the end of 3 minutes the ‘talking’ person gives the listening person 2 compliments or attributes of the listening person. Examples are especially helpful. (i.e. “I liked the way you take time to make me coffee. It shows commitment to us and I feel loved.”). The ‘listening’ person gets to decide whether they like the compliments (did it feel good?) or not.

5^th The ‘listening person ‘feedsback’ what they heard. This is the most difficult part. The ‘listening person needs to think of themselves like a court stenographer or tape recorder. Don’t interpret what the ‘talking’ person said. Just the facts as the ‘talking person said them….’feedback’the exact phrases and feelings. Remember the ‘talking’ person is ALWAYS the expert in what they say. (even if you believe it’s not true). The goal is for the ‘talking’ person to feel understood.

6th Now reverse the process. The ‘talking’ person is the ‘listening’ person and visa versa.

“DIALING DOWN” OUR ANGER

Anger is one of the filters that commonly blocks communication. Anger is a powerful emotion that allows us to know when something needs our attention. However anger is a secondary emotion. It usually comes up in reaction to something someone else has done.

If we can “dial down” to a level just below our anger, it is sometimes possible for us to find out what we are reacting to -- the core feeling that has been activated in us -- the most important emotion we need to identify and communicate to our partner. It requires some vulnerability to do this. Not everyone is comfortable with feeling guilty or sad or anxious. But these are the feelings that need to be identified and shared if true communication is going to take place.

Serenity and Humility

Humility is The Central way to stay connected to reality. The latin root Humus i.e earth, ground^[1]) refers to any organic matter that has reached a point of stability. Our mind skews reality toward ourselves....our own importance. This tendency causes us alot of pain and problems. We worry about our image, our future. We think of ourselves being more (narcisstic) or less (neurotic) We can't get ourselves out of our head. The world however is not limited to our self involved thoughts.

The Buddhists remind us "Our suffering is caused by our expectations"

Try practicing being in the moment. Notice how constant the inner chatter is keeping us feeling separate. Just be present. You can have serenity.